Without hesitation

Equal Educational Opportunity

2008-05-27T23:03:00.002+08:00

Equal educational opportunity has always been a sensitive and controversial subject in Malaysia. When the New Economic Policy (was then succeeded by National development Policy in 1991) was implemented back in 1971, it also created the “new educational policy”. Preferential treatment was given to bumiputras, right up from primary to tertiary education. No doubt that education is one of the very effective social restructuring instruments to uplift the bumis. However, deserving non-bumis access to equal educational opportunities have been deprived which in turn has created an exodus of bright young non-bumi from Malaysia to other countries looking for better oppotunities. How long do we need to wait for the government to realise, to put the interest of the people FIRST?

I understand there maybe a need to help bumis. However, it should not be at the expense of depriving deserving non-bumi students, in terms of entering into tertiary education, special training and scholarships. Non-bumis are marginalised in Malaysia education system. It’s astonishingly unfair that matriculation (bumi students) and STPM (non-bumi) are being compared directly in the “meritocracy” system as the entry to the tertiary institution. It is not the same yardstick of measurement since the matriculation course is based on coursework and monthly assessments; whereas the STPM exam is a one-off event and is well known as one of the toughest exam in the world. The two exams are never at a same level playing field. Why do we need to have two type of exam for the entry into uni? Why don’t we use the same standard? Why do we need two diff education systems after all the effort by government trying to integrate all the diff races into the same school (secondary school)? I guess I’m too dumb to understand the concept behind this.

Some may say non-bumis still have MCA or MIC leaders that are very proud of doing some small favour to the people they represented like providing good service and demands vote. Ex, MCA was trying hard to “remind” Chinese through newspaper during election that the numbers of successful non-bumis especially Chinese being rewarded JPA scholarship has been rising and it’s quite an achievement, according to them. However, these numbers are way below that of bumi students sponsored by MARA and various other government linked initiatives. It’s so common to find a whole bumi family where the children are holding government scholarship and studying overseas that some bumis have already assumed their newly met friends (bumis) are holding a scholarship to the extent that they only concern which scholarship did you get instead of asking do you get a scholarship. On the other hands, if one member from non-bumis family manages to be awared the scholarship, they will start celebrating like NEW YEAR, playing the “supposedly-banned-in-Malaysia” fire cracker.

The inequalities breed anti-government feeling and tension between races at a very young age. Feeling being treated as step children by government, non-bumis developed the seige mentality and persecution complex from an early age. Imagine how would you feel towards your fellow bumi friend when you stood beside him knowing full well that he did less well in the public exam and yet was awarded with scholarship to study in the same university? We are told to integrate when we grow up (e.g. schools & national service) & upon entering the real world, we are told that DISCRIMINATION is the Malaysian way of life.

There were 382,997 students managed to get a place in government universities last year, which consisted of 79.7% bumis, 12% Chinese, 3.2% Indians, 1.4% “lain-lain” and 3.7% international students. 79.7% BUMIS!!!!! Did I miss out something? What is the standard or criteria that the government universities use to select their students? Based on New Economy Policy? No, the figure was well above 30%! Based on races? No, the figure was more than 60%. Based on meritocracy? You gotta be kidding me!!! I don’t believe that bumis actually perform so much better than other races!!! So what are the factors affecting the above figure?

Some may argue that most of the applicants are bumis since others may prefer private colleges. Well, I won’t deny that. How about JPA then? There were 23,038 students awarded JPA scholarship to pursue a degree in local universities in the past 4 years. Out of these 23,038 students, there were 20,096 bumis students while only 2,942 non-bumis students managed to get the scholarship. Furthermore, 6,084 students were offered the scholarship to study oversea in which 4,540 are bumis and only 1,544 are non-bumis. Bear in mind, the above figure is only for JPA scholarship (the only government scholarship for bumis and non-bumis) and it doesn’t include those who get MARA scholarship (a government scholarship which is only open for Bumis)! Can you imagine how will the figure look like if we actually include all the government scholarships? The poor non-bumis in Malaysia who work so hard deserve better than this!!! They should at least have the equal (maybe it’s unrealistic in Malaysia, but at least something more reasonable) opportunities in education.

A true Malaysia will emerge only when the words bumi or non-bumi are erased from the dictionary. The Malaysian IC and passport or even the birth certificate I hold may look the same, feel the same, “sound” the same but they are not all the same. After 50 years of independence, when we fill up simple forms, We are still required to answer this question - Bangsa : Melayu, Cina, India, Lain-Lain. Aren’t we all Malaysians? Skin colours are more important. Non-bumis are being treated like second class citizens. Non-bumis are told to be grateful since they were granted citizenship by the bumis 50 years ago!!!!

The recently rejected brilliant student by our Malaysia Education System, and subsequently more than eagerly welcomed by 1st rate universities overseas (that included Singapore universities). The Singapore government should be grateful.

While the Malaysia government takes all the “pain” for hatching the brilliant Malaysian Kids. The only thing that the Singapore government has to do is to count the “chicks”.

Reflection

2008-05-15T13:27:00.002+08:00

Time fly pass, clock’s ticking, getting desperate. Searching desperately, thinking desperately, trying desperately, eventually an answer was given. And it sounded even more desperate. Soldiers were told to fight on their own, fight for their life, fight for their pride, fight for their dignity, fight till their last blood. Muscles getting numb, mind getting blank, yet couldn’t stop thinking about it. The desperate voice, desperate expression and the desperate answer. Rome was not built in one day. Nothing was said after chances and chances were given. Nothing was said when the chart was plotted. Nothing was said when the base was made. Nothing was said when the wall was built. Certainly nothing was said before the Rome was built.

But why? Summon was delivered. Promise made. Enemies approaching. Clock’s ticking. Another summon was delivered. More promises made. Enemies edging closer. Clock’s ticking. Yet another summon was delivered, again more promises made. Scout was sent. But not the sign of help. Enemies getting unrest. Clock’s ticking. The war was inevitable. Summons after summons. Yet more promises were made after every summons. Effort was clearly seen. Not the effort of being responsible. But the effort looking for an escape. Scout was there to help searching the answer. Unfortunately that was yet another desperate move.

But why? Trying too hard to be nice guy? Or can’t resist the temptation of being a coward? Perhaps too young to handle it? Perhaps too immature to handle it? Perhaps another desperate move for something else? No answer revealed. It doesn’t matter. Let it be suspense. Just leave it there. No more promises. No more disappointments. Leave it just there.

At least something gained. The character. Sadly, something lost. The respect.

Blurest of the blur

2008-05-14T00:15:00.003+08:00

Sorry for not updating the blog regularly, I wasn’t in the mood of writing anything. Last week was one of my blurest weeks ever. I was super super superbly thick (quote from my close friend). The mistake that I made subsequently caused my “precious” time last week and this week as my exam is around the corner and I still bordered by my stupid unforgivable mistake!!! I have not been able to concentrate on studies and to tell you the truth --- I’ve never felt so stress in my life!!!

Last week started “bright” and promising. I was still in buoyant mood after winning a basketball tournament and finally manage to cover a few lecture notes. Everything seems going well for me until my blurness spoiled everything. My secret was accidentally revealed!!! Oh well, shit happen. Then, things started to turn from bad to worse.

I forgot to bring the phone charger from home!! (Not able to use phone for two days!)

I forgot and left my pencil box in college!! (My precious thumb drive! Luckily my freind keep it for me)

I forgot to bring my clothes back home to wash!! (Have to send them to dobi! My wallet is getting thinner!)

I forgot to pay in restaurant and got caught!! (Currently rank first place in my embarrassing moment in my life)

Eeeee…..What have I done? Are they early sign of Alzheimer? Am I old enough and have to start worry about these? Where is the usual me??? Hello, where have you been?

I thought sport might help me ease the tension and the stupidity. After a long along deep thought about it, I decided to play ping pong. Well, it was proven that was yet another bad decision. I just realized I should just stop playing ping pong in my life, bcoz I can’t play! I couldn’t stroke properly, none of my smash went in, none of my serve was good and I’ve forgotten the Rule Number 1, Rule Number 2 and Rule Number 3 that I’ve created and have used it so often to take the piss out of people. It’s Karma, right? Whatever you have done, sooner or later it will come back to you.

After a miserably weekend, things started to turn from worse to worst!!! I swear, my “coach” was going to kill me during Monday training if no one around. I was sleep walking in the court, not making the correct run, not rebounding well, not shooting the ball well, and not making the wise decision. It was so bad that he was screaming in my face. 40 extra suicides and sprain of my left thumb are the price that I had to pay!! After I woke up the next morning, I just realised I actually pulled my groin muscle and abdominal muscle. Should be because I forgot to stretch and warmed up before the 3.5 hours intensive training. Sigh, thick, you are not young anymore!! Then another wrong decision was made on Tuesday. I decided to play some basketball games with friends in the evening, trying to get back the touch before Wednesday’s match. Well, the history repeated. I was sleeping walking again and sprained my right thumb! Never ever enter the court, if you can’t concentrate. I was thinking of something else when someone passed the ball to me and I didn’t realise until the last moment. What I know the next second are the sharp pain from my right thumb and the “Klak” sound.

And I’m screwed.

Wolf or Lions? Which one will the sheep choose?

2008-05-07T21:10:00.001+08:00

Forgot where and when I read this article. It’s been very very long time. I’m still in shock after what happened to Raja Petra Kamaruddin. Well, as usual, couldn’t resist the temptation to share it with you all. Hehe, the story begins…….

Long time ago, God put two flocks of sheep on grassland: one group at north and one group at south. God also gave them two types of native predator: Lion and wolf.

God told the sheep: "If you choose wolf, I shall give you one, and it's allowed to bite you at its will. If you choose lion, I shall give you two, and you are allowed to choose anyone from the two of them to stay on the grassland, and you can replace it at any time.”

So, the question is: If you are one of the sheep, what will you choose? A wolf or two lions?

It's easy to make your choice, right? Remember your choice, and continue with our story.

The sheep at the south thought that lions are more fiercely than wolf, so they picked a wolf.

The sheep at the north thought that although lions are more fiercely than wolf, but they have the option to choose, so they took two lions.

The wolf started eating the sheep once it entered the herd at the south. The wolf was smaller and it had smaller appetite. One sheep is enough to appease its hunger for days. So the sheep only were hunted once a few days.

The sheep at the north chose a lion and leave another one with God. The lion started eating sheep once it entered the herd at the north. The lion was more fiercely than the wolf and it had much larger appetite. It needed to eat a sheep each day to keep its stomach full. So the sheep is hunted everyday, and they were very afraid.

They asked God to replace the lion. But the lion that stayed with the God has not been eaten anything and it was very hungry. It pounced on the sheep and bite like crazy. The sheep had to run for their life everyday until they didn't have time to eat.

The sheep at the south were grateful that they made the right choice, and they laughed at the sheep at the north for being stupid and chose the wrong predator.

The sheep at the north repented for their choice. They complained to God, and asked God to change their native predator to a wolf. But God said: “No. Once the native predator was chosen, it cannot be changed anymore. You must live with it forever. Your only option is to choose between the two lions.” The sheep at the north have to keep rotating the two lions.

But both lions were the same. Both of them showed no mercy. No matter how they rotate the lions, their situation was always much more miserable than the sheep at the south. At last, they stop rotating. They kept a lion full all the time while letting another one suffered in hunger. They only replaced the lions when the suffering lion was dying.

After a long time of hunger, the suffering lion realized that: Even they are much stronger than the sheep, but its fate is controlled by the sheep. The sheep can send him back to God anytime, and let him suffer and die in hunger.

So it treated the sheep very nice, it only ate the dead and the old sheep and it wouldn't eat the healthy sheep. The sheep felt very surprise and happy. Some of the younger sheep even suggested letting the suffering lion to stay forever. But one of the elder reminded them: “The lion treats us good because it is afraid that we’ll send it back to the God. If we let another lion die, we'll left with no choice and the suffering lion will return to its nature and starts hunting us again.” The sheep agreed with the elder. To prevent another lion starve to death, they replaced it after a few weeks.

And the lion also realized that its fate is controlled by the sheep. In order to stay longer on the grassland, the lion tried its best to please the sheep. Another lion felt so sad that it had to suffer hunger again.

After experiencing such a hard time, the sheep at the north finally can enjoy themselves.

At the mean time, the situation of the sheep at the south became worse and worse because the wolf had no competitor and the sheep couldn't replace it. It started to act wildly. It had to kill ten sheep everyday. It didn't eat sheep anymore. It only drank their blood. The sheep were not allowed to make a sound because they would be killed by the wolf if they do so.

In the end, the sheep at the south could only bemoan: “We should choose the lions in the first place......”

So, the story ends .....

What did you choose? A wolf or two lions? Most of the European would have chosen lions while most of the Asian will go for wolf. It seems that wolf was the relatively easier choice but guess what happen in the end. We, the Malaysian was lucky enough to live in democracy country do have the choice and power to choose (like the sheep at the north). Why haven’t we practiced that? Why do we have to keep feeding the same lion to the extent that the lion forgot we can actually decide its fate? The lion only think about themselves and it becomes greedier and its desire becomes uncontrollable! Why are we digging a hole for our next generation? Why do we think that lion is our boss instead of us?

We all know that the process is going to be long and tough. Even the sheep at the north had to sacrifice so much to learn the lesson. That’s why we need to think for long term and be persistent and make the decision wisely. Is five years enough to make the lions learn their lesson? If not, then do it for 10, 20 years. Sooner or later, the two lions will eventually realise their fate is on ours and we are the bosses not them. Then, we can proudly tell our friends that Malaysia is a good place to stay and we are proud to be Malaysian!!

Happy Belated World Press Freedom Day

2008-05-07T00:11:00.007+08:00

Never thought of writing a post to wish Malaysia a very Happy World Press Freedom Day. The fact that Malaysians never celebrate it or hardly know its existence just pulls me off. However what had happened today… oops, should be yesterday morning by now had just presented Malaysian a perfect gift for the celebration!

Raja Petra Kamaruddin, the popular blogger who has done marvelous job to raise people’s awareness of issues, was charged today with sedition for allegedly implying that the deputy prime minister was involved in the sensational killing of a young Mongolian woman. He got himself into trouble over his posting on Altantuya. The Police Cybercrimes Division sent a squad to his house and confiscated his laptop and CPU. He is under investigations under the Sedition Act 1948 for incitement and also because he “commented on a case before the court made its decision”.

I thought any offence in the latter category would fall under “contempt of court” which will be dealt with by the presiding judge for the Altantunya murder case. When and why did it become an offence under the Sedition Act? Am I wrong? One thing that bordered me is that even if Raja Petra Kamaruddin really did cross the line, he should be sued for defamation and libel instead of Sedition Act 1948, which pertains to threats against national security.

Has the campaign started? The BN Strike Back after 3rd March revolution? What a major setback for the freedom of speech in Malaysia. To be fair, as a democratic country, protecting free speech is a paramount responsibility, but of course, there is also the right to challenge what has been said under free speech. However, the courts should be the one to decide who is right and who is wrong under appropriate procedure and without any external influence instead of merely following orders from certain people.

Let us all have a minute silence for the dying of free speech in Malaysia………….

Let’s send the Altantuya murderers to hell (http://www.malaysia-today.net/2008/content/view/6604/84/)

What exquisite timing after Malaysia was once again amongst the world's bottom 30% countries in respecting press freedom. What a shameful record to be bottom 30% for four consecutive years! Happy Belated World Press Freedom Day (3rd May)!!!

P/S: Not going to write much regarding this issue. You will never know what are the sensitive issues in Malaysia. Just hope you guys will take your time out to read the “seditious” article!

Someone special

2008-04-30T02:25:00.023+08:00

I’ve never met someone like her. She continuously surprised me. She may look simple but complicated inside. The first time I saw her, she looked ordinary, a normal girl, you know, just like the girl next door. Slowly, I realised that she actually has strong personality, has her own view about things, and most importantly she is confident about herself, she knows what she wants, what she is doing and she is never afraid of going after it and taking the challenge.

She is warm, kind-hearted and sensitive. I still remember that was one of my lowest points in my life, trying hard to familiar myself to the new environment, to make new friends and to gel with the new people I just knew. I guess I was just too old for my course mates. I was quiet, down and always alone. I went to uni alone, I had meal alone, I started avoiding people as i was too lazy trying to dig out if there is any common topic among us. And in this beautiful day, all of sudden, she came to me and asked me out for lunch. She seems like she knew that I was having great difficulty settling down and she was kind enough to take the initiative to make friends with me. Maybe it wasn’t anything special for her, she was just being herself, being nice to everyone. But for me, it does mean something. She was there when i was having "PMS", helping me, dragging me out of the darkness. I always remember the moment when she came to me, and I really really appreciate what she has done.

Since then, I started to know more about her. It seems that we do have something in common. The unconventional idea (eg, how many atoms in a cell? hehe, believe me, i was shocked when i first heard that, and i really lost of words to tell her my idea!!!), the “obsessive-compulsive disorder” to know the theory and the full picture before doing something, the weird habit of reading labels before buying something and the list goes on….. She is one of very few people who come and tell me my mistake and make me think and even more shockingly slowly changing my mind and thought. (Well, when I was quiet and in my “deep thought”, my facial expression is so scary that my friend once described me as "a cruel king that will not hesitate to punish and kill anyone". Hehe…..besides, I was a “competent” and stubborn debater so not many people will come and tell me I’ve made a mistake)

Sadly our friendship is like roller coaster. Sometimes I feel that we are quite close to each other, knowing each other well. Sometimes I feel that there is wall between us as it seems like she always has a protective barrier to stop other people getting close to her and knowing her thought. Maybe she is not those who are willing to share their feeling or secret to someone they just know especially opposite sex. Maybe it’s just me, my friend from college told me that I don’t know how to deal with english-educated girl (and yeah, you should know now, I’m from Chinese school) as the culture and mind set are so different, needless to say she is actually from girl school. I have to admit that I’m not good at taking rejection. Every time when I feel I hit the wall in this relationship, I will just stop texting her, stop asking her out and back off as it seems like the easiest, safest and most convenient way. Well it’s solely due to my stupid sky-high pride and my obsessive and unacceptable shyness.

Am I just interested to know more about her? Or do I actually fall for her? If it's later, I really not sure what should I do now. Confessing to her has never appealed to me as I always think that a relationship should occur naturally and slowly. So what if she accepts me after I confess? Does she really love me? Or just feel bad to reject me? Or she just wanna give each other chance to try it out? I never believe in going after a girl and dating her. I always wonder why would a girl finally accept you only after you go after her and make her feel like a princess? And how long can it actually last? Or does she actually like you as a person or just she enjoys the feeling of being princess? Or maybe she just too used to have you beside her? It sounds more than a habit than love to me. Maybe it’s me being myself. Being an arrogant weirdo and a old folk that not used to the modern era.

Well, it has nothing to do with me now as I just found out she is interested of "seeing" someone. How ironic is that after what I wrote in my last post. Sigh, anyway, I’m just happy to be here for her, and to support her. After all, to "love" someone is not about occupying her but hoping that she found her destination and live happily. Maybe it's time for me to stop acting like an idiot and trying to make impossible possible!!!!

I read an article just now, and one of line actually struck me.

“The worst way to miss someone is to be sitting beside them knowing you can’t have them”

P/S: having flu for the past few days now. Some said for lonely person, cold can be dragged very long and take long time to recover because he doesn’t want to get better anyway. Flu itself is a very sad disease.

The furthest distance

2008-04-26T00:37:00.006+08:00

One of my favourite author wrote, “The world’s furthest distance, is neither the distance between life and death, nor the distance between either sides of earth, but is when I’m standing right in front of you, and you do not know that I love you.”

Well, I guess most of us have experienced that before. Secretly admiring someone is such a pure and profound love that the secret admirers never ask or expect any return. They are just contented to admire someone from long-distant and always be there for them. Sometimes you have to think for few minutes before sending her a text as you are afraid you might actually disturb her. You rather watch her from a distance, trying hard to search her shadow in a bustling crowd. You want to see her, want talk to her but too afraid that your pretend-to-be-calm eyes might actually reveal your secret.

You will become the person easiest to be satisfied in the world. You will treat her invitation as grand festival even though she asks youto play sport inadvertently, you will be over moon just because you two are having a bowl of noodle in the noisy downtown street, you will be glad that she politely asks how you are recently. She become the source of your happiness, your heart is full of the love, as if it will overflow at any time. Perhaps this is the only time in your life you become least demanding.

You are clearly in love with her, yet you pretend nothing happened.

You clearly care a lot about her, yet you pretend you couldn’t have cared less.

You clearly miss her very much, yet you have to pretend you never thought of her, not a single moment.

Secret admirer are born camouflage, they are so good in acting and pretending that they managed to fool everyone but themselves. It sounds hilarious and ridiculous but in fact this is the situation that the secret admirers always found themselves in. They thought they will manage to fool themselves, but all of sudden they found themselves see through their lies. They thought their will be strong, yet their hearts are fragile. They thought they could wish them happiness, but this blessing is so reluctant.

The worst thing that can ever happen is when she tells you that she has a crush on someone and ask for your opinion. You have no choice but to “advise” her what to do even though your heart is screaming and bleeding badly. You will be trying so hard to analyse the situation, trying hard to think the next steep for her, trying hard to be as objective as possible, trying to hide your emotion…..

You understand that by doing this, you are pushing her away from you, but at least you two are still good friends, at least she is sharing her feeling and secret with you, at least next time even if she found out your secret accidentally, she knew that what you did was to help and love her selflessly, never demand anything in return. You were just hoping she found her happiness.

I would share this and dedicate this post to the fellow secret admirers!!!!! Wish you all the best!!! :)

P/S: haha, yet another emo post. i think my hormone level has screwed up, turning me into girl, or maybe its bcoz of the moon. lol, sadly it's not even full moon today!!!

P/S again: I just found out the author actually refer to one of the Ranbindranath Tagore's poem. Hehe, couldn't resist the temptation to post it here.

the furthest distance in the world
is not between life and death
but when i stand in front of you
yet you don't know that
i love you

the furthest distance in the world
is not when i stand in front of you
yet you can't see my love
but when undoubtedly knowing the love from both
yet cannot
be togehter

the furthest distance in the world
is not being apart while being in love
but when plainly can not resist the yearning
yet pretending
you have never been in my heart

the furthest distance in the world
is not
but using one's indifferent heart
to dig an uncrossable river
for the one who loves you

The four people that we meet in our life

2008-04-22T01:24:00.000+08:00

Some say life is the journey seeking for love. We are destined to meet four people who are very important in our life. The first one is your own self. Second one is the person that you love the most. The third one will be the person that loves you the most and the last one is the person that you are going to spend your life with.

Firstly, you will meet the person that you love the most, you learn and understand how to love someone. Knowing how to love someone and be loved by someone, you will be able to “discover” the person that love you the most. After you have been through the process of love and be loved, then you realize what you actually need thus finding someone that’s most suited for you and someone that you can spend the rest of your life with.

Sadly, the three people are usually not the same one in real life. The one that you love the most always chooses someone else than you. The one that loves you the most are often not the one that hiding deep inside your heart. Ironically, the one that appear at the right time is always not the one that you love most and love you most. And we, which person will we be in someone’s life? Who will we found in this world? The second, third or the forth one? This will be the unknown that we may spend our whole life looking for the answer.

It's human nature that we are usually not good at letting go a relationship. When someone you love wants to break up, you should ask yourself, do you still like her? If you don’t, why do you need to stay with her just because of your stupid pride? If you still love her, you would have hoped that she enjoy every moment of her life and live happily. Then it's time to let her go, to let her to look for her dream and destination. No man or woman is worth your tears, and the one who is, won't make you cry. Don't cry because it is over, smile because it happened.

Love is not about occupying the person or involving in her life. For example, you like the moon, but you can’t reach it, grab it and make the moon yours. Yet the moonlight will still shine in your room and brigthen up your room. There are many other ways of loving someone. Learn to let her go, let her be part of your memory and always be there for her.

If you love someone, you need to accept who they are including their good and bad instead of trying so hard to make them the person that you want. This is common mistake we tend to make but yet we never learn the lesson. If you just want to get someone that you want,ie your ideal dream guy, why do you need to take all the trouble to look for someone?

Just be patient, probably after twenty or fifty years later, you can purchase the programmed robot from any IT shop!!

P/S: Haven't been writting for very very long time. Please bear with me if my language is super lousy or this post is super emo. I guess i'm just having PMS!!!